Always something new

Monday, October 24, 2022

Today I was being a regular sub, off to Cottage Grove middle school to sub for the orchestra teacher. Orchestra kids are always the absolute best, so that is why I picked up the job. Band kids are great, but orchestra kids rise above even them.

First thing I did was notice that middle school kids are really, really small. I have been a sub for so many years, 99% of the time in middle schools, so I should not have been surprised that they are smaller than my high schoolers, but wow! They are ever so small. I felt very tall.

The second thing I did was lie. In the past, (especially to misbehaving groups) I have always been straight forward with them, “This is what I will be telling your teacher, etc. I won’t lie to you.” Today, I lied. It was fun. As usual, I had to ask a question about myself for them to guess in order to win the right to walk to the office with the attendance slip. Since it was a musical ensemble, I thought I would ask a musical question. The obvious question was what instrument do I play? So, I went with it. The obvious answer is the flute, because I played the flute in high school (and a couple semesters in college. Fun fact: Keith and I played in the same band for one concert. Our principal cornet player got his teeth knocked out in a bar fight, and Keith came slumming in the regular people band for a rehearsal or two and a concert. We had not met at that time but figured it out later). But flute seemed SO OBVIOUS. So I went with bassoon. And that is not a lie!!! Did you know? I had the misfortune to play the bassoon for a year (10th grade). I was sincerely awful. I could NOT (well…would not is probably more accurate) learn bass clef. My brain was hardwired to treble clef and was having no changes. I just pretended the bass clef music was in treble clef and learned all the fingerings wrong to match up. It isn’t actually a bad strategy if your brain refuses bass clef, but I was SO sure the band director would be able to see into my head and see that I was CHEATING, that I ran away and hid whenever I was supposed to have a lesson. I was just not good. The next year when I changed band directors, I never mentioned the bassoon and went back to flute.

Well, then. I guess I didn’t start lying straight away. I lied in second hour. I know kids well enough to know I can’t ask the same question, because first hour kids always tell second hour kids the answer to the question and then it is no fun. It was true today, because a kid came in and right away said you play an instrument that starts with a B. I would not have given them a win for that, but it reinforced changing the question. I asked, “In which state was I born?” And I lied. Which is a good thing, because Wisconsin was the fourth guess. I expected it to be #1. I thought they would avoid MN, which they did for a bit, and that they would shoot right to WI. They went heavy on the Gulf coast – Mississippi, Alabama, Louisiana, then Arkansas – came first. Obviously, I am twangier than I thought. A couple tries at each Dakota. Iowa. Someone asked if it was northern or southern and I said definitely northern. Next guess – New Mexico. Tee-hee. I said way more northern that on the border with Mexico. We worked our way to Montana and I said, “North-er.” Stunned staring for a few seconds. Rhode Island. Oh-kay. It could be north-er. Finally, the correct (lie) state: Alaska. I decided I was going to be from Ketchikan, because the shopping there is great (if anyone asked. And they didn’t.)

Now I have to remember I was born in Alaska, if anyone asks. I am sure I will (I so won’t).

Part of the day’s lesson plan was for the kids to teach me to play stringed instruments. I used the viola first (pictured). Holy cow, holding it is REALLY hard if your shoulder is wack-a-doodle. Holding the bow seemed harder than I wanted it to be. The kids LOVED showing me, because they are orchestra kids and they are great. I next learned to play the cello. Since I had already mastered holding the bow (HA!), the cello was much easier. It SITS ON THE FLOOR. That is a total win. I love the sound of the cello. I should probably take up cello. I was honest when I told them I know music, but I know nothing about stringed instruments. One kid asked why I would be subbing in orchestra if that was the case. I said fair question – have your previous subs known how to play stringed instruments. They have only been playing since the beginning of the school year, so I was their first orchestra sub. I suspect most of their subs in the future will also not be string players. But, that is just a guess.

Today is also my mom’s birthday. She would have been 91. I got a text from Donna, Nancy, and Dave that they went to McDonald’s for Mom’s birthday. I think the thing Mom loved most about Keith and I coming to visit was that we liked McDonald’s too, and Keith was willing to run over (it was very near) and get us breakfast. She really loved an egg-a-muffin. I said I hoped they had egg-a-muffins and I got proof of breakfast.

Happy Birthday, Mom!