I’ll have a Blue Christmas without you

Saturday, December 17, 2022

Yesterday, I got an update on my job. You will recall that I started off the year working half time – subbing for a friend on the days that chemo knocked her out. Those days became more frequent, and I added days to more than half time, until the start of the second trimester when she officially took a leave. I have been working full time November 28. Since I do not have a social studies license, the job needed to be posted for someone who does. The plan was for me to cover until someone new could be hired. If no one applied, I could stay.

I didn’t know if someone would apply for a job that is only two months long. A job is a job, after all, and regardless of how long it lasts, it is something to put on your resume and definitely puts one’s foot in the proverbial door. For a new grad, or someone just looking to get into our district, it could be a boon. But there are a lot of teachers leaving the profession and not a lot of people going to college to replace them, so I truly didn’t know if anyone would be around to apply. The answer came to me (it didn’t “come to me” like in a dream or anything; I emailed the principal and she emailed back) yesterday: two applicants being interviewed Monday.

So, I’m out.

I told Keith I was going to ask before I left for school Friday morning, and he asked which way I was hoping it would go. I said either way is fine.

When it happened, I found out I was telling the truth. I was momentarily disappointed, then relieved.

I have liked this job so much. I have really, really enjoyed feeling that I belong. Every single morning when I take out my badge to unlock the door, I feel entirely special (look at me! Someone thought enough of me to let me have a key! If that means nothing to you, you have never been a substitute teacher). I like unlocking my classroom door (I simply like thinking my classroom) and walking in to find it familiar – exactly like I left it yesterday. I looooove planning lessons. I am using the original teacher’s backbone of packets for the classes, but I have to present the material and figure out when we are doing what, and I like that (my god, I use a giant desk blotter calendar and it is so great!). I like learning the material. US history is nothing new – personal interest area and all – but deciding what to ramble on about is fun. Human Geography isn’t new, but having it pulled together into a cohesive class is new. It is simultaneously so basic to adult knowledge, but then so interesting that 9th graders know NOTHING about it. World History is so hit or miss. Italian Renaissance – check. African Trading States in the long ago? Nope. Nada. All new to me. Teaching the comparison of the Maya, Aztec, and Inca meant first getting it straight in my head. FUN! Developing relationships with the students has been the most rewarding part. The 9th graders that are done – gone on to a different teacher for second trimester – come back to say hi (a lot of them from 5th hour…the demon hour…huh). The new 10th graders I remember from when they were in sixth grade and it is cool to see how they have changed and how they haven’t. The 11th graders are so great. I knew a bunch of them from middle school and now they are very adult-like. I like hearing about their vision of the world – US history seems to provoke comparisons to now and it is great to hear what they are thinking and seeing. I like hearing about the teen working world of Woodbury. I like listening to their stories about driving in snow for the first time, or being so tired after swimming four races in a meet. I seem to have created a safe space classroom, because I have collected a group that come in the morning and during our twice-a-week study period. They aren’t coming to see me – they come in and do their thing, but the fact that they have chosen my room when they could go anywhere makes me feel very good.

I will also admit I am fine with being done. I have had more than one (more than seven…more than…) sleepless nights when I wake up and am in a fluff about wondering if I can make the technology work (this is a Bonafide issue with me. It is not imaginary) or if I remembered to do everything I was supposed to do. Keeping up with three different classes has been time consuming – and some days I don’t have the time to do all that I wish I could do. I worry that too many people are getting As. Am I making it too easy? I worry that too many people are failing. Am I not making sense? What should I be doing differently? I worry about dropping the ball for the kids with IEPs. Am I remembering all the modifications and accommodations? I am going to be gone a week in January and I have had my mind swirling and twirling over how best to keep things moving forward with a sub – or not a sub, since they are in such short supply (sometimes, classes just end up in the cafeteria if there is no one to sub for the class!) (speaking of subs – I am appreciating myself for the first time in all of the almost 20 years that I have been subbing. Not knowing who your sub is and if they will be willing/able to follow directions is nerve-wracking!). And there is the fact that if you sub, you go many different places and can rerun clothes all the time. Same place every day? Holy cow! You have to find stuff that you can fit into all the time. Then there’s the home front: I don’t seem to remember how to cook…but I can sometimes suggest things for Keith to cook.

I hope when my friend comes back after spring break that she needs a sub now and then. I will be more than ready to go back to see everyone.