Ladies And Gentlemen

Tuesday, April 11, 2023

Well, that’s not okay. I read an article about a man who had been offered a job as a school district superintendent who lost that job offer after he wrote an email to two women involved in the process and addressed them as ladies. They said he should know better than to use a gender limiting address for them. I started to give my phone an eye roll, then stopped. Yes, he should have known better. He is going to be involved in a school where LOTS and LOTS and LOTS of tiny details matter to LOTS and LOTS and LOTS of kids.

I don’t think of ladies and gentlemen as specifying gender because I don’t even think of ladies and gentlemen at all. It’s just a way to start off talking to a group of people. I don’t actually expect members of English nobility to be present; I don’t even expect that all of the people present are necessary decent members of society. Ladies? Gentlemen? How would I know? I would just use it to be polite. I have never been offended by “all men are created equal” because when I learned of that phrase, I had no question that it meant men as in people instead of animals.

But I get it. Thomas Jefferson probably wasn’t thinking about women at all. Or anyone other than white men. Times change, interpretations change, whatever. No big deal. Except it really is a big deal if it matters to you. I have lots of little kids call me sir when they are trying to be extra polite (or sarcastic before they even know what that might be). I don’t care. But if I did care, I would correct them and care that they learned how I liked to be addressed. (I had a student last week at middle school who called me Barbara. The name tag that some of the schools give me has my full name on it. I am not fond of having my first name listed on my chest, but I have no choice. Just after advisory started, I heard someone say, “Barbara, can you help me?” Of course, I reacted – it’s my name. But I paused. I assumed it was not me, but that there was somehow a student named Barbara. No one moved. The student repeated, “Barbara, I need some help with my computer.” I walked over, and sure enough, I was the Barbara. I didn’t want to be combative, so I asked if he always called his teachers by their first names. He said yes.)

So, yes, it is time for ladies and gentlemen to go away. I sometimes say it at school (usually when I am getting frustrated by an unruly class – hoping to point out that I expect better behavior), and I am trying to remember not to. I saw the potd today at school. It’s okay. It’s for talking to kids, so addressing them in these different ways doesn’t seem too odd or funny. When I read the article about the not-getting-a-job-superintendent guy, I looked up alternatives. The list of alternatives to ladies and gentlemen that I found had a lot of odd suggestions:

1. Friends and enemies (inspired by Malcom X)

2. Humans and non-humans

3. People/comrades/colleagues/peers/associates/partners (just one of these would suffice, but you may use the combination that fits best your speech)

4. Y’all (some might mistake you for a southwestern American, but yeehaw am I right?)

5. Fellas (or fellows if you don’t think fella is gender-neutral enough)

6. Folks (also spelled folx, a more inclusive term for marginalized identities)

7. [REDACTED] (Most insults are gender-neutral but we cannot condone this language)

8. Your highnesses

9. Distinguished guests

10. Prestigious/esteemed/honourable attendees (again, just one is enough, but if flattery is your forté, go wild)

I can find something in there that works. Lately, I have just been saying, “KIDS!” (I kinda like the way they look around, like they are wondering who I am talking to). If I suddenly find myself in front of a big group of people, I’ll figure it out. I am really hoping I get an opportunity to use, “Your highnesses.”