Living a Lie

Thursday, July 6, 2023

I learned last night that I have been living a lie. I am confounded and jarred and can think of little else. I read a lot of advice columns for recreation and I have read about how people struggle with learning that something they thought was true turned out not to be true. I thought I would handle that type of information pretty well at this point in my life. I’m far less emotional about things than when I was young.

But at 1:42am today, I realized something that just really shook me.

It started last night when we went to see Indiana Jones and the Dial of Dividing or whatever it is called. There was a trivia question to get money off your combo – what is Dr. Jones’ field of study? I said that it was the easiest question of ever – even without the multiple choices. I was chatting with the concession workers (because one is a former student) and said that I went to see Raiders of the Lost Ark 27 times while it played at the second run theater (79 cents). I had a whiff of a thought that I pushed away while I was telling the story. I said to Keith while he was dressing his hot dogs that I think I have told that story more than any other – a defining characteristic of mine. When the movie opened, a college friend posted on FB that she had gone every Sunday night for nine weeks when she a freshman, which tracks because she is a year older than I am.

We loved the movie. It has sweet and clever call backs and a good story. I drank a large Mt Dew (and you know what large means regarding soda sizes) while I ate my popcorn. When we went to bed at 12:30am, I was anything but tired (I would not have been yawny if we had to rescue anyone last night). I was spending my time wisely* by scrolling on my phone, then it occurred to me to read the trivia on the Dial movie on IMDB. That is always entertaining to me.

As I was reading, the whiff of a thought kept pushing forward. I finally let it in and thought about it fully. It was disturbing and confusing. I mean, really confusing. Like, look again, you have three feet confusing. It made no sense. I confirmed my suspicions on the internet.

Raiders of the Lost Ark came out June 12, 1981 – the week AFTER I graduated from high school.

Um.

Seriously.

I really, really almost woke Keith up to tell him the world had just tilted (more). I examined my memories. As my story has always gone, after Raiders closed, the next movie was Flash Gordon and we went two times and were done. It wasn’t endlessly re-watchable. I checked. Flash Gordon came out in 1980.

WHAT MOVIE DID I GO SEE OVER AND OVER? I checked lists of movies from 1979 and 1980 – there is NOTHING on there that I have seen over and over – that I remember. The obvious thought is Empire Strikes Back and I guess it is possible, but….I wasn’t really a fan of that one…but the point wasn’t really to see the movie, just to go to the movies, so….I don’t know. Why would I have the number 27 so FIRMLY locked in my head? Alexander always likes examples of the Mandela Effect – when groups of people remember something that never happened (so named when many people shared the memory of Nelson Mandela’s death, when in fact, he was still alive). Is this somehow my own private Mandela Effect? I am remembering something that never happened? I remember leaving a marching band performance and everyone in my friend group hurrying out of uniforms so we could make the 9pm movie. I remember the two dimes and one penny combinations lined up in rows at the box office for change from a dollar. Why would I remember seeing Raiders 27 times when there is no way that I could have?

I’m a bit broken about this. Did I see a movie over and over? Did I dream it and then make it into a story? I HAVE ABSOLUTELY NO IDEA. Maybe Keith didn’t propose on our first date. Maybe I didn’t hear that Elvis died on my way to see Star Wars (not for the first time. I believed until today that I saw the original Star Wars 14 times in the theater. I no long believe anything.) Maybe Benjamin doesn’t have a secret wife. These have been the base facts for some solid life stories. Now…who knows…..

*lies