Yikes! Bikes!

I’ve seen articles touting the bikiness of different cities in the United States. Portland is so bike-y. Madison is bike friendly. Ha! Ha, I say. They need to come to Amsterdam and find out they don’t know what they are talking about.

We didn’t start with bikes, so I’ll go back to the beginning. And sum up.

We stayed up stupid late (2 something), then slept stupid late (10 something)(room darkening shades will help with that). We ate at Happy Seafood because they had fish on their light shades. You gotta make a decision based on something, and today it was lightshades. Food was really good.

We trained (Train!) to the city center (we saw the option for a first class ticket on the kiosk while buying regular people tickets, so when we wandered into the first class car, we knew to wander back out. I legitimately felt like the people there knew we did not belong. I am unsure why. I really think we could have accidentally bought those tickets. They don’t know.)

The very first thing we saw after leaving the train station (the last thing we saw before leaving the train station was a massive line for the restroom – only $1 to use it. At the train station. Seriously. Why do you want to make people pay at the train station. I don’t know. I think that is not a great idea) was BIKES. So many bikes whizzing down the bike lane. So many. Like bike bike bike bikebike bike bikebikebike bike bike. Bike. We tunneled under a road and came out to see BIKES. And a very long line to rent them. We did NOT even consider renting a bike. So many bikes. So many pedestrians. A few cars. I would have crasshed (I am leaving that extra s in that typo – lots of double letters around here) or cause a crash. Whenever we walked by vast bike parking, I really wanted to ding all their bells. It didn’t.

The next thing we saw was a canal cruise opportunity. It seemed really likely there would be a lot of boat opportunities, but it also seemed like a good idea, so we went with it. The boat that was loading was completely open – a convertible boat, if you will – and that seemed ideal. It was in the high 50s and it was brightly cloudy. I looked at the line and figured it would be full before we could get in. The next boat was not open, but obviously had lots of windows. We would have had to wait an hour for a glassier roof boat and no further option for open, so we took the next one. There were small benches in the open at the back and if no one else got there first, we could sit out there. We scored! There were headsets with audio in 19 languages. A bunch of people piled out in the back when they realized inside really didn’t have great views if you weren’t right by the window. They did not have anywhere to plug in for the audio guides, so they just looked (although their interest really waned, which makes sense when you are just boating and not learning). We learned waterfront property was very expensive, hence many buildings are super narrow at the front and widen in the back. There are sticky-outy deals at the top so furniture and washing machines (obviously not dryers, because, you know) could be hoisted up. The buildings lean outward toward the canal so the things being hoisted don’t bang on the house. Amsterdam has about the same number of canals as Venice, but not as many bridges (450 to 250)(they said the Amsterdamian bridges are nicer)(obviously. They are Amsterdamian.) I saw art that appeared to have been made using tape on windows. I wanna make tape art on windows. We had the perfect ride. We win again.

We walked around. We found some pedestrian streets that seemed to have fewer bikes (although I managed to wander in front of several). There were tons of restaurants and tons of places to buy cannabis. The air was extremely….fragrant, shall we say? I asked Keith if we should participate in legal drugs. He hesitated (WHAT?!?) and then thought perhaps we already were, in a second hand sort of way. We went past a few red light opportunities and he chose not to participate again. I offered up a tattoo/piercing parlor and he said not this time. And to be clear, not next time either. So, we walked on.

We came to a lot of people in an open square in front of the palace. We were both feeling a little under the weather from the aroma of the area. It was very intense. We found a place to sit. There was a temporary stage, and it appeared there would be a concert in support of Ukraine. (I feel like we saw The Ukraine at home. Is that real? Here they say Ukraine, which makes perfect sense because that is the name of the country. Maybe it is just me that says The Ukraine. Why would I do that? I have to investigate.) In just a few moments, there was an ear-splittingly amplified violin noise. To be kind, it sounded like I took a violin and just scrubbed the bow on it. For longer than seemed necessary. (None. None seemed necessary) I kept thinking that it was going to turn into a song. Or that, well, something, well, that it was going to turn into a song. (like it was horrible, like war, then turned into something nicer, maybe?) Then it stopped. After like a minute. A minute is LONG for that. Then nothing. We still sat because we were wobbled. Then a lady started singing. She was pretty good. Then she stopped. Like maybe it was a sound check…. Then a guy started wailing. Like maybe a chanter or something…maybe…then he started hitting a bongo type drum. We gave up.

We walked across the street and saw lots of stuffy bunnies in a shop. I really liked them. I wanted a yellow one. A big yellow one. I also wanted a house that needed a big yellow bunny. I also wanted luggage that could hold even a grape more, but I do not have that. We walked on.

I saw a wall that said Sherlocked. What do you think that is? I think it is when you think you’ve done something very cleverly, but someone figures you out. Bam. Sherlocked.

The wind was breezing and the smell was much less on regular streets than one the twisty little ones we had been on and we were feeling much better. From a few blocks away, we heard a little bit of piano playing Bridge Over Troubled Waters. I was humming along and realized the concert had actually started. We looked and walked and headed back toward the concert. We sat on a bench to listen to a group singing Lean on Me. It was really nice. We agreed we like that song. It ended and they started Lean on Me. I was thinking, oh, this is a good song. It is like the last song. What was the last song? It was like this. Maybe by the same singer originally. Maybe just another friend song. Support song. What was that last song? I can’t remember. Keith, what was the last song? He looked at me and laughed – this song. They are singing it again. Maybe they only know one song and they got a 30 minute set and they are just going to do it over and over. It ended – again – then the woman started again…a little bit of harmony on it…then just faded away. Next up was nothing, apparently.

We started back to the train station, and the marijuana smell returned in force. I said is everybody here high? Without skipping a beat, Keith said that singing group is. They were like hey! Let’s do Lean on Me! We are good at that one! I was laughing so hard. He kept going on and I kept laughing harder and I had to tell him to stop because I was losing control and there were bikes to be aware of! (I have been sitting here, laughing and laughing, while writing this. Keith is not helping me keep control at all. He’s very funny.)

We got back to the room and housekeeping had been here. AUGH. It said housekeeping every third day, so I thought we were safe leaving the room A MESS. Darn. There were so many restaurants in central Amsterdam, but neither of us could think of food (still a bit nauseated.) We stopped at the grocery store later in the evening and then made some delicious sandwiches, with apples and pineapple. (Well, that sounds like apple and pineapple sandwiches. No. Ham and cheese, with apples and pineapple for dessert.) We did not buy dragon. But I like that we could have. I assume they also have it in Wales…